February 13, 2024
Where do you go to “receive” all your big ideas? For me, it’s the shower. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been hit with deep thoughts and huge revelations while washing off the day’s worries. So, it’s no surprise that I was in the shower when I suddenly felt convinced to share some of our family’s journey with all of you – regarding my mom and her dementia. I know people really take issue with sharing private information, especially when it comes to immediate family. But I know, not only is there healing in sharing our stories, but when we share hard things, we also help others. You’ve been there. Keeping everything to yourself because “no one else is going through this.” Or, not knowing how to deal with something really hard because no one around you ever talks about hard things. Well friends. I am a 12-stepper. And I share hard things.
I recently read in one of my older journals that my mom had started to repeat herself. The year was 2017. Today, she doesn’t always know that I’m her daughter or how many children I have. She has needed assistance with her daily living skills for some time, but lately, it’s getting much more difficult for my dad to convince her to take a shower.
My dad. He has been ultra amazing handling all the things. Yes, it’s gotten real a time or two. It’s easy to get frustrated, especially with our loved ones. He is human, of course. My dad is a retired high school teacher (also a retired farmer) and he has never stopped teaching. In this life phase, he’s teaching his own kids how to love when things are hard. How to REALLY love. “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Christian Standard Bible). He is now taking care of the woman who took care of…well, everything. She was the organized, detailed one. The one who kept the boat afloat, and then some. Last week, I was over at their house looking for an Elvis CD to play (my mom is a BIG fan!) but couldn’t find one because they were no longer alphabetized. My dad said, “that’s because I’ve been playing them and haven’t kept up with her system.” She had the systems. And, she was so good at it. I digress…
Back to the shower. Not mine, but my mom’s. My dad shared frustration with his inability to get my mom to shower (she voiced a lot of objections!), so my sister and I decided to take over the task for one day. My sister is a rock star (and has continued helping with showers since). She used humor to distract and it worked. My mom kept her cool throughout the process and we got the job done. With a few hiccups. After the shower, I put lotion on her and we got her dressed. We moved her from her bedroom and into the bathroom, so I could blow dry her hair. My sister applied a little hair product before I got started. I used my hands, instead of a brush to guide her hair, to avoid the rough touch of a brush. It was then that I was overtaken with emotion. How many times had my mom gotten us (4 of us!) bathed? Clothed? Brushed our hair with gentleness? And now, it was our turn to take care of her. My sister continued to chat with mom as I blinked back tears while gently drying her hair… Friends, it was holy work. Maybe it seems crazy to say, but I felt the presence of God around us in that small, pink bathroom. What a divine pleasure it was and is to care for someone who gave so much to care for us.
Have you been here? I’d be honored to have you share one of your special moments here with me.
